it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
