Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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