My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This is my gift to your gina
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have fence marks all over my body
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
