I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
