the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
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I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
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I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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