Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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