How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
