i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
