Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
