At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just had sex on a roof
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
