Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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