Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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