it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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