Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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