yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
