we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
