i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
