You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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