I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
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I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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