next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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