Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
