wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
