I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
