Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
