i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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