I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
