Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
cat food counts as protein by the way
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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