Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
