8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
