Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
