im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
