There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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