Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize