dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
