I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
