another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
