Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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