i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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