Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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