Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
