Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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