I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
