im having a threesome with these popsicles
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
