I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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