I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
