Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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