I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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