you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
