Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
