my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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