just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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