did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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