i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
