puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
