About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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