Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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