i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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