and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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