So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
