I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
