I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
