Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
