I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
