chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize