I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
