Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
