Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
