alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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