You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
