1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
