You're my little dorito
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We are two peas in an std pod
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
