i would punch a child for taco bell
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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