I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
