You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
