i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
