Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
