I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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