good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this just has baby written all over it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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