Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
