sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
