What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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