It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
